Stepping backwards to move forward is a phrase that I like to use when I need to re-evaluate my purpose in life. When I started blogging, I started it to connect with a community of friends who shared the same interest as myself. I started because I wanted a platform to have a voice on fashion, beauty, and life in general. I found myself blossoming through my blogging passion and hungry to learn more about blogging every day.
As my social media following began to gain traction I began to get tunnel vision and only focused on growing the number of followers I had. It became a constant battle between myself and my ego. Battles filled with with self judgement of why her, or why not me? I began to lose myself in the heavy mist of self-doubt. Even though I had joined this space solely for the purpose to teach, educate, empower and inspire others, my love for blogging started to slowly turn into a daunting chore. I felt that in order to be successful I needed to be writing every day, posting on social media every day, getting business deals at least weekly. I started to lose myself, and lose the love and passion that I had for writing. It became so bad that I started to lose confidence and to avoid the discomfort and the stress of trying to maintain this appearance I turned to food for comfort and escape. My entire outlook on why I had started my blog had morphed into something unrecognizable. I felt that I didn’t know my readers and they didn’t sincerely know me.
It wasn’t until a few months back that I had been diagnosed with gallbladder disease. This took a toll on me mentally, physically and emotionally. However, when it seems that we are in the midst of a storm there is always sunshine somewhere if we continue to look and push through. My gallbladder disease wasn’t my enemy – even though my body was telling me differently – but my sunshine. Having not had it treated, I suffered from mild attacks at times that seemed to paralyze me like being held at gunpoint These mild attacks left untreated eventually landed me on a hospital surgery table. It was at this moment, this moment of intense pain, that I decided to step away from blogging to focus on my health and get back to why I started my blog in the first place.
I took a 4 month hiatus to reflect and restore my body to good health: first starting with my weight by losing over 25 lbs and next I scratched everything from my blog and started with a fresh canvas. I wanted to get back to the beginning: with my love for writing and sharing my personal stories that connected with my readers. During that time I realized that I had a purpose to share my health struggles and successes with my audience; to share my strengths and weaknesses in blogging and what I’ve learned; and to be transparent and clear when it comes to the stories I write.
Now that the four months have gone by, I can finally say I’M HERE! I’m back to stay. It’s taken me a long time to rebuild my confidence, but I am happy to say that it’s back and STRONGER THAN EVER!. God has granted me healing during this time of pain and I’m happy that it took stepping back to see what the beauty of moving forward would look like!